Cleanliness From Afar

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.......

We were fortunate that our apartment included a washing machine, and recently I had to remind myself this machine was a blessing, and not torments....

Of course, all the buttons (no easy to use dials on this modern marvel) are in Korean, but my arrogant self thought, "Self, this is not a problem! I have a Korean dictionary."

The power button was easy - it is very large and in a separate location. Besides, when you push a button and the entire thing lights up and starts beeping at you, even an American can figure out she has found the power button.

Here is what I discovered from my dictionary:

First button - pre-engagement; precontract; subcription; advance booking; make a reservation. HUH!?!

Second button - a course; a lane; a track; a route. Oh! This is also a piece of exercise equipment!

Third button - Great! It is not in the dictionary, so I decide to look up the different syllables separately:

• 1. all; whole; entire; complete; perfect. (Sounds like I am about to achieve a highter state of laundry!)
• 2. a) a sneer; a jeer; a scornful laugh (This machine is LAUGHING AT ME!!)
• 2. b) cold water YES! YES! YES!! (I press this button!)

Fourth button - Guess what! This one is not in the dictionary either. I do not want to look them up, because I remember from my Korean lessons that the first syllable is the word for water so I press it. (never mind that it also means dyed color; bleach; fades)

Fifth button - the current of water.

35 minutes later, I have only looked up 5 buttons and there are four more to go. (visual: Betty Lynn prostrate in the wash room floor while Erin is running in and out trying to "help." She does not know her life is about to end violently. Is it too late to plead post partum depression?)

Did I mention that each button lights up a separate section on the display that involves 20+ more Korean words? I am sick of my dictionary so I press the two buttons that I have figured out have something to do with laundry. Nothing happens. There is a large button at the bottom, so I press it. Nothing. I press every button. Still nothing. I am forced to show this piece of machinery who is boss, so I turn the thing OFF and I feel empowered. With a deep heaving sigh, I turn it back on a press the two buttons again..........nothing.......

Suddenly an epiphany! I twist the water knob on the wall and water flows. I have been reduced to a quivering mass by a washing machine, but the clothes are wet and spinning around.

Oh, there are no dryers here and that is FINE with me. Even I can operate a clothespin without a dictionary.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire........and have clean clothes.